Schloss Doodle

Posted on Fri April 16, 2010.

As expected the tabloids had a field day with the photos my dear old friend, Pelicanus, smuggled to them. Reggie and Ronda Picnicking Away, the headlines read. One glossy even sported a close-up picture of my puffed-up cheeks, pursed beak and blissfully closed eyes as I leaned in to kiss Ronda. Randy Reggie Pecking his Bird, neon letters shouted on the front page. I could kill Pelicanus. I could really think of hundred ways in which to drown him in the Vaal Dam. Pelicanus feigned total surprise when I confronted him and adopted a hurt expression on his pale pink features. He would never do that to a friend, he muttered, but oh, love is beautiful, love is a bunch of violets, and violets are blue, roses are red… or something like that. He ducked and dived and wriggled his eyebrows suggestively and made himself scarce. The paparazzi was onto us now and the serene quietness of tranquil Vaal Marina was rudely interrupted by the whirring sound of camera shutters. One would’ve thought Brangelina had descended on this quaint kingdom of mine.

Uncle Dudley Doodle of the Scottish branch of the family sent me a crate of his finest distilled whiskey, the color of wild honey. To enjoy with my sweetheart, the accompanying card read. Ronda was wildly impressed with the thoughtful gift and proceeded to sample it right then and there. Of course I had to taste the imported gold as well and it wasn’t long before Ronda and I was singing old Scottish songs at the top of our voices. I donned my tartan skirt and did a vigorously sexy pole dance which Ronda found quite hilarious. We toasted each other and hung from the chandeliers and danced on the tables. The whiskey had me seeing two Ronda’s soon enough. She saw a double vision of me as well and we screamed with laughter as we tried to chase each other around the room only to find we had been making a grab at the wrong twin! Good old Uncle Dudley. I wondered what he would’ve said if he had seen Ronda and I polish his whiskey in such an undignified, but highly appreciative, manner. Maybe we should consider Schloss Doodle as a romantic getaway one of these days.