Kick Off

Posted on Wed April 14, 2010.

Ronda agreed to go on a picnic with me. Whoop, whoop! My very capable staff at the Vaalnest Boutique Hotel laboriously and lovingly prepared a wicker basket full of delectable, gastronomical goodies for us to enjoy at the water edge. Pelicanus graciously arranged for us to be transported to our pre-arranged picnic spot by a super fast jet ski the color of raging fire. Ooh, and Ronda did wear her lovely gold bikini beneath a flimsy little see-through gossamer thingy as fine as cobwebs! I hung unto the Jet Ski handles for dear life and at the same time clung to Ronda like a bird about to be drowned as we swept over the smooth waters of the mighty Vaal Dam at harrowing speed. Ronda was a sport and laughed into the wind and encouraged me to go faster, ever faster! She was panting in the most seductive way when we finally made it to dry land. It was all I could do to flop to shore. My knees were shaking badly and I was trembling from head to toe. I was in dire need of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and wondered if Ronda noticed.
Heaven is a place on earth – I know that now. It is to be found in the arms of Ronda. It is to be found sharing a wicker basket packed by the very capable staff of Vaalnest Boutique Hotel and filled with ice cold champers, smoked salmon mousse, a mind-boggling selection of cheese, fruit, chocolates, and a mouth-watering lemon meringue cheesecake. Ronda and I nibbled on each delicacy and it wasn’t long before I ventured out into deep waters and started feeding her tiny morsels which she appreciatively took from the tip of my beak, making soft purring sounds in her throat which had me doing seven back somersaults in a row. It wasn’t long before I kissed her. Smack on her delectable pursed beak. Mwha, mwha, mwha, xxxxx. I couldn’t get enough and would’ve gone on kissing her until after the 2010 soccer world cup if Pelicanus hadn’t chose that inopportune moment to fall from a tree with a camera clicking away madly and spoiling the romantic mood. Sigh. One of these days I was going to ban all pelicans from my kingdom.