Posted on Wed March 10, 2010.

Pelicanus was stalking me! I know because I’d been bird watching… I mean, minding my own business. Okay, okay, I was watching some of my most loyal and eh… finer subjects through my binoculars to ensure they enjoy the pool at my castle, otherwise known as the 4* Vaalnest Boutique Hotel, when I spotted Pelicanus watching me through a telescope of all things. For a minute we just looked into each other’s eyes before he wriggled his sparse eyebrows at me suggestively and held up a bridal bouquet as if to say ‘this has got your name on it, bro!’
I yanked the binoculars away from my eyes and flew off to the bar to get some Dutch courage for the day. That was when I saw her! ‘Lo and behold, my eyes have never seen such amazing feathers on a bird. She was perched on a bar stool sipping on a daiquiri and lazily paging through a magazine.
My beak was dry as bone as I sidled up to the vision, feeling as tongue-tied as a newly hatched chick. She suddenly turned, looked at me with flattering eyelashes and huskily crooned, “King Reginald I presume?” I fainted.